At just 18 months my son knows just how to show mommy he loves her. He can be a trial at times, he may or may not get this from me, but at the end of the day he has shown me unconditional love.
    As all of you know we are going on day seven without the hubs. Its gotten easier, as Monday hit and things started needing done. I still feel like a part of my heart is a thousand miles away, which it is, it is currently sitting in a class room in Ohio just over a thousand miles away. Back to the point I suppose, I think I could go on about how much I love my other half for days if I let myself.
    Friday afternoon with tears running uncontrolled down my face I kissed my husband good bye for the week. Uncontrolled is exactly how my tears stayed for the rest of the day. I had my weekly midwife appointment and after that tried to get through the rest of the evening. At one point in the late afternoon I took Corey to the bathroom. He is still in diapers for the most part but between changes I will put him on the potty to try and go pee. As he sat on the toilet, I sat on the edge of the tub next to him. My tears started to fall again. He looked at me with a look that said he knew my pain, but wasn't sure if he really did. He reached out towards me, touched the tear rolling down my face and gently wiped it away. He did so in the same fashion I wipe his when he is hurting. He didn't know why I was crying but because his love for me is untainted by age, knowledge, and all the things that come with growing up, he gently moved his toddler sized hand across my cheek.
    I know he doesn't quite understand where daddy is, or really that he is even gone. In 48 hours we will get to be reunited with our leading man. Corey will get his daddy and playmate, and I will get my heart and soul mate. I know all three of us are greatly looking forward to the next couple of days passing as quickly as they know how. 

    Five days ago my best friend, soul mate, true love, you name, left for a work trip. He had his bag packed and his ride just arrived. Neither of us were ready for him to leave and I certainly wasn't ready for what would happen before he even got out the door. I was starting to choke up, a few deep breaths kept it all lumped in my throat for a few minutes. I went to our son's room and woke him gently from his nap so he could say bye to daddy. Of course at almost 18 months old I don't think he quite understood what was happening. As I lifted him still sleepy from his bed a few tears ran from my eyes, and they wouldn't stop. Thankfully I was only a few days shy of 38 weeks pregnant so I blamed them on the hormones. Aside from that though I was seeing my husband off for eight days. The longest we have been apart in just over four years.
    So what has changed so much in four years since our last week long separation? We are married, should that make such a big difference? I think it does, back then we were Juniors in High School, talking about getting married but anything was possible right? We live in a new state where friends are slim, OK he has a couple of work buddies and I have him and our son. I am very pregnant, and even if I weren't the thought of our son being without his daddy for a week is saddening to me. I will admit if our baby was already born or I had longer to go in my pregnancy I would have had the car packed and pulled out when he did and headed to my grandmothers 7 hours away. Then we would have both been given an equal break.
    Having him gone is hard though, our 6th anniversary was yesterday, married for 3 years. We don't do a lot to celebrate anything really. Valentines Day could never exist as far as we are concerned, but an anniversary is an intimate time. By intimate I don't mean the sexual aspect of it, intimacy is so much more than that. We get to remember the promise we made to each other all just a few years ago, for better or worse. We get to remember the good, better, and best times as well as the ones we have struggled. We get to see what the struggles have brought us.
    Even though the 3 years we have been married is nothing compared to my Great Grandma and Granddad's 75 it still feels like a lifetime. We have spent the best times of our lives with each other and thinking of what is to come warm your heart with anticipation. Our chance to celebrate our years together is obviously being postponed but I know both of our hearts are ready to be together again. I find myself falling asleep mentally wrapped tightly in his arms and waking to myself mentally being scooped up in an
   

    We have a room in our basement that seeps water when there is a lot of run off or melt. With the recent weather being as hormonal as I am we have had a lot of snow and melt. Snow and melt means water in that room. We are currently using it for storage and we put broke down boxes on the floor just in case. The hubs and I are very thankful we did. Out of all the boxes there was one with a damp bottom. It was a large box of my childhood toys and memories.
    Last night I carefully maneuvered it upstairs to the living room. Its wasn't an overly heavy box but being almost 38 weeks pregnant and the hubs having left town hours before for a week long business trip, I didn't need to go throwing myself into early labor. I grabbed the scissors from the drawer and cut the tape as my little man watched near by. I pulled back the flaps of the box and was flooded with memories.
    Lying right on top were my two favorite baby dolls, Natalie, sporting her batman pants and hooded shirt, and Nathanial, wrapped cozily in his original outfit. Under them were a handful of other dolls that were more suited to be left out for Corey to play with.
    Below my dolls were stuffed animals galore. In the stack of stuffed animals I found a crocheted mama bunny with her baby, who opened on bottom and held candies, and a bottle that also held a roll of lifesavers. Yes, there were/are still candies in the baby and bottle. The bunny, just like my tooth fairy were hand made by my grandmother.
    After the stuffed animals came the barbies. I wasn't as in to barbies as my sister was but I had a few things. One of which was a plastic canvas nursery made special for me by my mom. The nursery includes everything from the dresser, lamp, drop side crib, crib mattress, toy box (with blocks), I think there is even a changing table, a rocking chair, you name its there. My sister and I played with these things for hours.
    Tucked next to the nursery was yet another home made memory. A small faux leather satchel, about the size of a college rule note book. Inside the satchel was a tan detectives cape. Again made by my grandma for hours of detective fun. I am pretty sure when we first received our kits they had a note pad and pen, along with a magnifying glass and other detective essentials.
    As I reminisced and Corey poked through the "new" toys I got out for him I wondered what kinds of memories he would have when he got older. Will he enjoy memories of refrigerator box houses and homemade detective kits like I did? Will he have hand crafted toys to cherish when he is older? I know that making these memories a reality for him are still a few years off yet but I think as a parent you wonder. I want him to enjoy simple play like I did growing up. I want him to have a longer childhood than I did, one that's not riddled with the things I went through. Above all I want him to know how much he is loved. I know its not a memory he will retain but

    Call me Old Fashion but I love not knowing the gender of my babies before they are born. My mom had five children and never knew the gender for any of us. My poor husband says he would like to know before their birth but I think he enjoys announcing the sex more than he likes to admit.
    While I was pregnant with our son, Corey, we made sure to tell the ultra sound tech that we did not want to know the gender. That was our one and only ultra sound and it was easy to say no just the one time. I worked part time at Kmart and thoroughly enjoyed the looks on peoples faces when I told them we did not know the babies gender. I was then told how they could never not know because they have to plan etc. etc. I would simply say "Well our plan is to have more than one baby so it makes no sense to buy everything in one color, and it will make my unmedicated childbirth worth it."  Unmedicated birth is another post for another day, I got plenty of comments on that too.
    As they weeks grew nearer to our son's arrival the suspense grew too. It was like being four again and waiting for Santa to bring Christmas. You think "I can't wait to find out what I get." As the weeks grow nearer for our new babes arrival I am starting to get the same feelings. I can picture our babies birth and my husband lifting up the baby and announcing the gender to whomever is in the room.
    As friends show off the new church shoes they are looking forward to purchasing for Easter or the cute dresses and clothes in general for girls; I think aww I want a girl. I then look at my toddler boy and think how wonderful it would be to have another crazy boy running around. Either way I know I will love the new baby as much as I love Corey no matter what. One benefit I found in not finding out Corey's gender is I wasn't allowed to be disappointed. I had 40 weeks to love my baby for being my baby and not being a little boy or girl. I was able to come to terms with the thought of potentially having a girl, a mortifying thought before becoming pregnant with Corey.
    In the end a healthy baby is all that I think anyone wants. I know everyone finds a benefit to their choices but to me there is nothing better than hearing my husbands voice telling me the se

    When counting your blessings what are the first things you count? Food in the fridge? Paid bills? A Job?  Do you ever count your spouse first? You children? Friends and people that care for you even if you have yet to meet them in person?
    While getting ready to start my day yesterday I was thinking of the shawl I was making for my mom.I immediately thought of the next one I have planned. A simple thank you for caring so much about someone that they have yet to meet in person and my never. A simple gesture of my gratitude for loving me the way Christ does, unquestioning and supplying for a need.
    As I think of this wonderful woman and her kindness I think of all the other great women I have met in my chatterbox since my son's birth almost 18 months ago. A group of women who have never met (some live close enough for an occasional meet-up or play date) but show each other love and compassion. Offering a listening ear and providing essential advice when needed.
    Counting your blessings should include more than just the material items in your home and life. Blessings of the heart are true blessings. They can be kept with you always and will never wear out or be destroyed. Today as I count my blessings I am counting the ones of the heart. My husband's love and presence in my life, My son's laugh and the joy he has brought me, My friends whom I have never met and may never meet who I can always count on for support and help, The love and support I receive from my family, and all the people and little things that have gotten me through
    

    Since I found out we were expecting our second bundle I have been looking forward to delivery day. Corey's birth was an amazing experience and I am looking forward to having another equally awesome birthing day. I am looking forward to knowing more about what my body is doing in the later stages of labor, lifting my newborn to my chest, and hearing my husbands voice tell me if we have a new son or daughter. I am looking forward to crawling into bed with my husband, son, and new baby enjoying quiet peaceful bonding.
    This baby's birth will be different in quite a few ways from our son's though. The biggest difference is our baby wont be born in a hospital but instead at home. For me having a home birth was never a scary or foreign thought. A pastor in the community I grew up in had more than one of his daughters at home; and in my simplicity is the life thought process knew that for thousands of years babies were born healthy and at home. When we moved to Wyoming I jumped online to find the local Midwives. To my surprise there was one midwife in my area. When I found we were expecting I contacted her to set up an interview style meeting. The interview went great and we were ready to schedule our first appointment.
    Scott has never questioned my preference for a midwife over an OB/GYN and after our first appointment with Corey he gained the preference too. When it came to delivering at home I made sure he had the information he needed to feel comfortable. We watched Orgasmic Birth together and I made sure to point out how the midwives carried Oxygen in case of distress whether it was for mom or baby, Pitocin in case of hemorrhage, IV supplies, and a whole list of other just in case materials that are rarely needed. I was also able to show him our midwifes resume which listed the number of years she has been practicing and where, along with her degrees and certifications. If there were to be anything she wasn't comfortable with she would order a transfer and to the hospital we would go.
    In one week we will be ready to deliver at home at any time. The list of people that know we will be delivering at home is very short and can be counted on one hand. I know that my family would not question our decision but I refuse to have to justify our decisions. Over the next few days before our next appointment I will be gathering our simple list of supplies to have on hand. Simple things like towels, wash clothes, receiving blankets, chux pads, snacks, all things that are in our closet or cupboards.
    We have a 5 week window to deliver the baby at home. It starts the 11th of April at 37 wks and will end the 15th of May at week 42. Due to Scott's upcoming training schedule that 5 week window is really a 3 week window. Weeks 39 and 41 are out since he will be 1500 miles away in Ohio. We are praying for an on time baby.